Cooking with Arthritis

helping the physically challenged regain their independence in the kitchen

Open Discussion page , Chatter room / Recipe Contests

Post Reply
Forum Home > Chatter Room , The open Chat room ! > Be very,very quiet and watch out for the swine

grampata
Member
Posts: 364

        I have been chosen by a carefully orchestrated group of high ranking goverment officals to keep a watchful eye out for the swine flu carriers. I'm so proud to be chosen and will accept my duties as a true american citizen.

        I guess the reasons I was chosen over 40 million other million americans to do such an important job is haveing too much time on my hands,and also to work tirelessly for no money. My generous nature,forgiving spirit and a keen eye for microscopic organism.

       One must be dressed for such an occasion. For an example, my body must be devoid of any hair, bald is beautiful you know. I found nair works better in well ventalated areas, such as a field of dreams or a downtown office building. Just as important is, a fresh coat of park bench green paint as to blend in with the surrounding environment and of course A big stick to ward any wild goats,dogs or flying swines.

       My greatest asset is my my hearing and my ability to blend to any situation. I most often lay behind a park bench and wait for some unexpecting group to settle on the aforemention bench on a sunny afternoon . As the carriers discuss the worlds problems straying to politics,war or taxes I simply cheerp out key words like My kid has the swine flu or you look like your suffering from the dreaded sickness. As the conversatation heats up I stick a themometer in the coin slot and record any abnormal activity. Collecting discarded ciggerette butts and spued body fluids. somebody has to do it!

        As I wait for darkness to arrive I field test the samples and logg all premortem results with the agency for further evaluation.

        Just as I was about to leave a very large policemen sat down with his trusted partner shep. He had slippped the leash over the back rest and was sharing his donuts and secrets with his best friend. It was so heart warming I almost cried until that pesky little two toned one eared chipmonk spotted me and made his play. Yap, yap,yap,OL shep was right on it, the monk lit out with shep right on his heals. The bench flips over and I'm covered with about two hundred and fifty pounds of bench and cop. He must have realized the bench didnt hit the ground flat and went instantly in apprehension mode . By now ol shep was on the case doing his part by chipping my paint off. The leash was still attached to the bench witch gave me the upper hand. As I turned to run shep had to get one more piece of evidence against me for further processing 

      needless to say I had quite a night . But do not fear I am on the job seeking out the carriers of the world, to make a safer place for all who wash there hands

       

--

"The sore thumb is the one that sticks out."

October 25, 2009 at 1:29 PM Flag Quote & Reply

gourmet2U
Member
Posts: 183

fun good 3 see u write

--

Lover of all foods

October 25, 2009 at 5:34 PM Flag Quote & Reply

MissyRA
Member
Posts: 537

hi my grampy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So very good as gourmet said to see you write again. I really miss reading you stuff. How are you and grammy ? Hows the pup mel said you got one whoo hoo !

--

Seeing the world through a Lens  !

October 25, 2009 at 5:36 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Sally Loy
Member
Posts: 436

lol, my hearing is my greatest asset your stories always bring a big smile graamps . A puppy watch out for the chewing lol

October 25, 2009 at 5:39 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Tweety
Member
Posts: 376

LMAO , LOL , LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That damed chippedmonk like my spelling , lol glad to see you back ta

October 25, 2009 at 5:41 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Mrs . Chef Ralph
Member
Posts: 215

wheres the joggong outfit when you are undercover , lol love the story cute ta. miss you

October 25, 2009 at 5:43 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Just Jim
Member
Posts: 88

TEE HE TEE HEE

--

GO STEELERS !

October 25, 2009 at 5:45 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Alice
Member
Posts: 370

you kill me I laughed so hard my neibors heard me the chippy stories are the best

--

May your life be filled with good friends and good food ! :D

October 25, 2009 at 5:48 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Akurt
Member
Posts: 392

hey gramps , my pc was shot so I have not been on in a while, you never change . lol good stuff bud !

October 25, 2009 at 5:51 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Boss Dog !
Member
Posts: 78

OMG SO FUNNT GRAMPATA

October 25, 2009 at 5:56 PM Flag Quote & Reply

Chef JJ
Member
Posts: 201

you are a talented story teller, you make it fun , thanks for sharing

October 25, 2009 at 6:00 PM Flag Quote & Reply

mobilegourmet
Site Owner
Posts: 851

you are just too much brother, lol

--

Keep on cooking real memories are made in the kitchen - Melinda Winner

October 26, 2009 at 9:25 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Tweety
Member
Posts: 376

hey ta took this to the office the girlos are howling

October 26, 2009 at 9:39 AM Flag Quote & Reply

Akurt
Member
Posts: 392

just wanted to say its good to have everyone back or almost everyone. the after summr job just takes our time up

October 26, 2009 at 9:41 AM Flag Quote & Reply

You must login to post.

Book mark or share this web site

 

Bookmark and Share

Share on Facebook

Share on Facebook

Food Buzz


ARTHRITIS SURVIVORS NETWORK - JOIN TODAY HELP BRING AWARENESS TO ARTHRITIS !

Chat instantly with other members here simply type and talk

FAVORITE QUOTE  :

NO MATTER WHAT YOUR AGE OR CONDITION

IT IS NEVER TO LATE TO BECOME

WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN !

Foodie Blog Roll

Upcoming Events

Friday, May 18 at 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM
Friday, May 25 at 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM
Friday, May 25 at 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM
Friday, Jun 1 at 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM

Cooking terms and abbreviations:

c. = cup

T. = tablespoon

tsp. = teaspoon

lb. = pound

lg. = large

Pinch = app. 1/8 of teaspoon

Allemande: one of the four mother sauces. It is an egg-enriched velouté. A velouté is a white stock-based sauce.

Al dente: usually referring to pasta—slight crunch to the bite.

Au jus: the drippings released from meats as they are slow cooked.

Bake: to cook food in the oven, usually with little fat or liquid. Also refers to the cooking of baked goods.

Bard: the process of wrapping meat in a thin layer of fat to retain moisture.

Baste: to pour or spoon liquid over food while cooking.

Béarnaise sauce: an emulsified butter sauce made with egg yolks and clarified butter, seasoned with tarragon, shallots, and vinegar. Usually served with steak.

Béchamel sauce: This is also one of the four mother sauces. It is a white sauce made from a butter and flour roux. There are hundreds of sauces that start with this classic white sauce.

Beurre blanc sauce: a classic French sauce made from a wine and vinegar reduction finished off with butter.

Blanch: to immerse food into boiling water briefly to par cook. The food will then be finished using a second cooking method. This method is also used in the canning process of fruits and vegetables to remove the skins.

Braise: to simmer foods on the stovetop in a very small amount of some form of fat to brown.

Break: usually means a cream sauce has separated during the cooking process.

Butterfly: to cut food in half but not all the way through; when completed, it will resemble a butterfly with open wings and will lay flat on any surface.

Caramelize: to cook food over a fairly high heat until the foods’ natural sugars are fully released, and the food turns caramel in color.

Chiffonade: to roll leafy vegetables and cut into small strips.

Chutney: an Indian condiment made from fresh fruits, vegetables, and spices; usually spicy and sweet.

Confit: usually refers to duck or goose that has been slow cooked in large amounts of fat and stored in the fat until service.

Deglaze: to use liquid to remove the remits of the item cooked in a pan, such as meat, fish, poultry, and vegetables. Wine is usually the first choice for deglazing—some use stocks, broths, and water.

Egg wash: equal parts of water and beaten egg used to brush on baked goods for added color during baking and to seal pastry before baking.

Espagnole: one of the four mother sauces. It is a brown stock-based sauce used to make various other sauces. For example, to make this sauce you could start by using a beef stock and finish with seasonings and slurry.

Fillet: To remove the bones from fish, meat, or poultry.

Ganache: a creamy mixture of melted chocolate and heavy cream used over cakes and desserts.

Julienne: to cut vegetables or any food into small, even strips.

Leaven: the act of rising in baked goods. This usually happens when leavening agents are used such as baking soda, baking powder, potato starch, air, and whipped eggs.

Marinate: to soak foods in a seasoned liquid to enhance flavor.

Mince: The procedure used to chop food in tiny little pieces. This is usually performed with a chef’s knife.

Mirepoix: celery, carrots, and onions that are chopped and used as a soup base and to season other foods while cooking.

Mother sauce: There are four basic sauces that are referred to as mother sauces simply meaning they are the base sauce where many other sauces are created from them. Some believe there are five, the fifth being emulsified sauces such as mayonnaise and hollandaise sauce.

Pipe: This is when you are decorating cakes, cookies, and pastry using a pastry bag and a decorating tip. It is also when you are filling foods with a filling using a pastry bag.

Poach: to cook food in liquid.

Puree: to puree, grind, or mash solid foods to a smooth consistency.

Reduce: to boil liquid to concentrate its flavor and thickening.

Render: to cook down, melt the fat in meat.

Roux: flour and butter or any fat mixed to form a paste. Used to make a base for sauces or stews.

Sauté: to cook food quickly on the stovetop over high heat with little fat.

Sear: to brown quickly over high heat.

Simmer: to cook food over low heat for long periods of time.

Recent Videos

320 views - 0 comments
319 views - 0 comments
345 views - 0 comments
2020 views - 1 comment

Send to a friend

Post & Promote (digg, etc.)

Conversion Charts

Metric Conversion Chart

US Canadian Australian

 

1/4 tsp 1 mL 1 ml

1/2 tsp 2 mL 2 ml

1 tsp 5 mL 5 ml

1 Tbl 15 mL 20 ml

1/4 cup 50 mL 60 ml

1/3 cup 75 mL 80 ml

1/2 cup 125 mL 125 ml

2/3 cup 50 mL 170 ml

3/4 cup 175 mL 190 ml

1 cup 250 mL 250 ml

1 quart 1 liter 1 litre

 

Weight

1 ounce 30 grams 30 grams

2 " 55 " 60 "

3 " 85 " 90 "

4 " 115 " 125 "

8 " 225 " 225 "

16 " 455 " 500 " (1/2 kilogram)

Temperatures

Fahrenheit Celsius

32 degrees 0 degrees

212 " 100 "

250 " 120 "

275 " 140 "

300 " 150 "

325 " 160 "

350 " 180 "

375 " 190 "

400 " 200 "

425 " 220 "

450 " 230 "

475 " 240 "

500 " 260 "