Cooking with Arthritis

I guess you already figured it out, the amount of trouble I can get myself into when left alone! Well that poised a real problem, for Etta. She had planned an overnight business trip to Vegas, for a little brainstorming with my daughter and 40 of her closest friends. It wasn't a big deal to me, I got to watch my granddaughter. Since I was already repairing all the damage from the shoot out with that band bloodthirsty chip monks. I decided to stay at my house, and do a little shopping and fortify the place up a little , while the cat's away. It's a little foggy trying to remember the time line,after the mayhem I was forced to endure. Oh yeah!! shopping, first I remember making a quick stop at army/navy store to pick up toddler body armor and a couple of night vision goggles. Then we made a bee line for the bakery to pick up some bait, I love cake donuts I mean chip monks love donuts. Haley thinks we can draw them out into open with a chocolate cream pie, I agree!!!

It was getting late, so made a quick stop at dicks sporting goods, after two hours of playing with the indoor golf range. we loaded up about three shopping baskets of outdoor adventure toys into the back of the all terrain vehicle and drove right out of the store. I'll come back with Etta tomorrow and pick up the mini van. It seemed much faster traveling cross country,oh well !! who knew we would get lost, for six hours. Part of the time was used for playing in the school yard, feeding the ducks and petting goats. Were on a mission and we have arrive at our destination, We set up a quick base camp, and ran up a flag to mark our ground. As we suited up for battle, Haley had some great ideals, She pulled out the cell phone and called for reinforcements, mum, mum. I had to explain to her that mommy is playing with her friends and will be home tonight and she will bring you some fluffy stuffy thing, we can only hope that it is camoed.

Haley is pretty good at walking on hardwood floors , walking the trails posed some challenging scenarios, to say the least. After I got her to put on her camo face paint it took me 15 minutes to find her. I rolled her pants up 6 times, she looked more like a laundry basket, than a mean, lean fighting machine. I could hear the enemy marching , I didn't think haley could cut them off fast enough, so I ordered her to wait right there, I'll circle around behind and flush them out. be ready they'll be coming at you in hoards. As it turns out I wasn't too far from the house. It was dark but I can still hear my daughter's voice calling Haley to come home, that made me laugh how could a 14 month old laundry basket get home without me holding her hands to walk. I knew I had to yell charge quick or the whole mission would be lost!! I finally broke out of the tree line and could see Haley completely in gulfed in baby chip monks covered in real tree baby camo. As I got closer I could see that she switched over to their side, and that her mother had also sided with her new friends. I guess they are pretty cute at that age.

After I got over the fact that my granddaughter and daughter both to seemed to have switched sides, I realized it was a survival tactic. Page 27 in the outdoor guide for dummies, how to survive a major chimp monk invasion. Keep your wits about you, don't show any signs of fear, and most of all, give them lots of treats. I felt relieved knowing that Haley was only biding her time, coiled to spring into action. I quickly crouched into a battle position waiting for the signal to pounce on that pile of donuts covered with a swirling mass egotistical, band of blood thirsty bandits. Mommy was putting on quite a show also, From a distant, It looked like jess was dancing around the campfire and singing the wheels on the bus go round and round. I immediately grabbed for a quenching dose of reality enhancing wipes. That Haley was so reluctant to share with me. I still can't figure why she would stow them in the field diaper estractulator. As before, it came to me that my one and only daughter was taking signals from Commander Haley. Pride swept over me Knowing the we were one for all and all for one. I watch ever closer and closer for the signal, still not sure who would be giving the orders to charge, as my eyes flickered at every movement, my mind raced with excitement, it was only moments away that I would be wearing their pelts on my belt, for all to see who was the victor.

The dark was covering the forest floor, I was too far from the fire to receive any relief from the mosquitos, Quiet I see someone moving climbing onto the atv, could that be the signal, Wait! It's starting up. Woo-hoo it's Jess! wait for it !! She doesn't know how to operate an atv? She getting off ! Oh! good! Haley Steered on the way over, she's more qualified to operate . Whispering Haley the signal give the signal. What she doing! Don't push that button . The button .Louder

 THE BUTTON THE BUTTON. OH SHIT!!!

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I only realized the button was a tactial diversion to avert their attention towards the battlefield , so they could silently slip into the darkness undetected. That didn't seem to throw off the trail for even a moment, they symptomatically turned towards them in cadence and chanted, we're off to get a blizzard. It came to me instantly. Blizzard!! We're off to get a blizzard . Ah! Ha! Haley had devised some sort of super plan to lose them in the ravagins, of a snow tornado hickey thinga do, That didn't make much sense until I turned on my instant weather, water resistant, flex action, wrist monitor. Light rains thru out the night, followed by some flooding of clogged gutters and exterior dog dishes. That's my girl. I gathered up most of the items that flew out of the atv, when it hit a tree and flew off the retainer wall and landed upside down.I pulled down the colors and very carefully folded and secured for futures battles, as for the rest of base camp it was pretty much a disaster area, with all the cone hats , paper plates, juice bags and sporks. I guess it wasn't a total loss, It gave haley time to put together some surprises I bet they didn't expect. It seemed like it took hours , (dragging all that stuff down the hill ) before I got to head quarters for the debriefing.

It was late and Haley had gone to bed! That gave me a chance to arrange my thoughts before I had to face commanders mast at Oh eight hundred, to expain all the collateral damage that occurred at head quarters the week before. So far all I could up with is OOPSEE !!! I think I fell asleep, even if only seemed like it was five minutes. I was on the couch, dreaming a chipmonk was saying the magic words to come into the clubhouse. Meicecow, moosecow , mickey--monk. Then I heard a small voice saying I got poopie pants, I stood straight up, the coffee was on , the lights were flashing on and off people running back and fourth. the black board had writing on it. in multi colored chalk. The symbols were in Pre school code. known only to Haley . I knew right then and there, Haley was the bust pick for commander. I no sooner had gulped a few sipps of coffee when Haley began hatching her plan to eradicate those miniature chip goat monkeys . I'll translate Step one she barked. K>I>S>S> K eep it simple stupid. We'll build a habitat for my new friends, Grandpa will construct a series of row shelters, completely furnished with american girl solid wood accents. to protect them from, all forms of weather. and use all means to conceal them from all predators foreign and domestic. She rolling now!!! That means build traps so we can catch all of them at one time. Step two Haley continued. There will be an ample supply of crickets, grasshoppers, pantry moths, chocolate covered box elders, and mud dawbers. That's it Haley fatten them up, so they can't run away. Boy that will make my job much eaiser catching them.

    You go Haley!! dig a pond to assure fresh potable water to accommadate tens of thousands of woodland creatures. I'm starting to see the light. Build a sort of theme park on the east coast and get them to invite all of their relatives and Wamo we get them all . I know build one on the west coast and Powie we have our country back. Step four Grampa !!!  You Take Dale Carnigie course on How to Win Friends and Infulence chimp-monks. A super mind comes along once every one hunderd years or so! I feel so blessed , to have haley for a grandaughter.  I smell a promotion comming, Maybe My own command on an island  Hundred of troops at battle ready . A snap of my fingers will tell the whole story then.   I'll let you know how it turned out. TA!  TA ! wake up, I think your having one of your nightmares again

That's it ! The name of your book just Brilliant ta ! How to Win Friends and Infulence chimp-monks.

Agreed Tweets ! Perfect name for grampata's new book !

OK guy's let's rock and roll we donate the proceeds to help fund R A research

Wonderrful Idea ! We need someone who knows how this works and do it. Anybody got an idea where to start, Hey ask Melinda !

love the ending . I agree you need to write a childrens book. I will check around and see if I can find out how you could go about it.

Gramps ! Yeah ! I am only posting on the last one , it rocks my grampy ! So why has grammycrackers not been online ?. I miss her. She is one hell of a woman ! And Haley is one lucky baby girl ! This is one story that needs to be read. You need a fan page on face book where thousands will read your work .

so is this going 2 be the name of thwe book ? yes ta !

great one buddy ! I never doubted Haly and her troup , you , lmao ! Where r the chips going next ? i heard to outer space ,lol

CHUCKLE, CHUCKLE  AND THEN LAUGH REALLY HARD. Great story old man ! I have been keeping up but not posting. My wife prints the good stuff, been really busy at the shop. Hey enjoy the coffee shop good conver. with everyone

I read it all grampata and I really enjoyed the story. I did alot more than a giggle I roared laughing. I bet that little lady is a darling ! Keep up the writing they get better every time !

Love all the stories ta. I can't say I have a favorite, I love them all . I must admit Haley sounds like ashe is the boss of applesauce .!